Message in a Bottle (September 2010)

From September 22, 2010

I'm going to miss Montana -- I've spent the last 15 years here and have considered it home.  I probably always will.

To whoever may receive this message:

I need help.  How am I ever going to be able to work if I am not healthy?

How will I be able to support my family if I continue to feel sick and weak all the time?

Being a CNA is a physical, on-your-feet, full-time job.  I calculated once that I walked five miles a day during my time as a CNA.  I rarely got a break and the only real break I had was a mandatory 30-minute lunch, which --unless I left the hospital-- was more often than not, interupted.  I learned early on to escape to the nearby K-Mart and sit in the parking lot and eat just so I could have that precious 30 minute quiet time without being called back in to work over the PA system.

I was up at 4 am every day, at work by 6 am, and usually clocked in an extra hour  just because shift change-overs took so long.  Though my shift was over at 2, I was rarely home before 3.  As soon as I got home I would check the kids schoolwork and see if anyone needed help with anything --start the laundry, and start dinner, clean up after dinner, finish the laundry, and get ready for bed.   Though I tried to go to bed at 10 at the latest, I rarely was in bed before 11, making that 4 am wake-up time come around again all too soon.

If I am feeling weak, and sick almost every day right now, how am I going to accomplish this kind of full-time work again?  I am going to need a less stressful job.  I am mentally strong, but no longer physically strong.

Sometimes it just seems like the timing is all wrong.  And yet, my options are no better if I stay.  I have no choice.

I need guidance, and I need patience, and I need comfort.

So, to whoever receives this message in a bottle, please help me.   I've got little angels to support.

My two youngest at Yellowstone