Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Secrecy Is Not Honesty

From July 7, 2007

It hurts when people you care about do things in secrecy because they don't want you to know about their activities. It is the old "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" adage, and the belief that they are not being deceitful, they are just choosing not to disclose certain things.

Adage or not, it still hurts, especially because you are putting your trust in someone and you know they are not being honest with you. What do you do? Do you confront that person? Do you just ignore it or sweep it under the rug? Should it even bother you in the first place?

I am someone who expects honesty and integrity in a relationship, regardless of how casual or formal the relationship may be. I expect this because I give it myself-- I cannot understand how you can have any level of intimacy with someone who you know isn't being honest with you, and I can't understand how you can be on the other end of it and feel good about yourself.

For now, I choose not to confront-- it just raises walls of defensiveness. The person caught is not sorry for the act, just sorry he or she got caught: they are more careful next time. For now, I choose a different approach-- after all, I will be judged for my own actions. I do not have to live with a hidden image of myself and I will not be judged for the actions of others. I choose to forgive.

But how do you forgive someone for something they don't even think you know about? Isn't that the same as sweeping it under the rug? Ignoring it? Remember WWJD? Well, it's not a fad, WWJD-- it is a question: What Would Jesus Do? He would forgive, and forgive again, and forgive again. It will come around in the life after this, and that is when the price must be paid for our actions. So I will continue to forgive. I am only one person, and I choose to do what is right.


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