The Roller Coaster Ride (October 2010)

From October 22, 2010

As usual, my life continues to be filled with ups and downs -- a constant roller coaster ride that never seems to be very steady for any length of time.  For everything good that happens, there is a bad that goes right along with it.

I had my refrigerator examined today, only to be told it would likely be too costly to repair.  It is computerized and the motherboard is shot-- possibly due to rough handling during the move.  This bothers me to no end... so many things were going through my head. I feel bad that I don't have a fridge because I know I really need one and I fought so hard to keep that one.  And guess who loaded it into the moving van?  (Can you spell E-X??)

And of course, because with the good comes the bad my heart has physically been doing stupid things again.  I think it is related to what is going on in my neck because I took pain medication earlier in the evening when it started hurting and that jugular vein is pretty distended again.  I don't know if it is the vein itself or the aching muscle behind it, or even what exactly is aching, but I know it feels worse when my heart beats irregularly so I can't help but wonder if they are related.  Distended jugular veins are usually related to coronary artery disease but all the doctors quickly dismiss that idea.  So, experts, what else is it and why won't it go away???  I find myself taking more and more pain medications and that is not something I want to do, either.



I think what I really need is about 22 hours of sleep.... the deep, restful kind of sleep... not the dozing kind which is what I usually have to settle for-- an hour-and-a-half to two-and-a-half hours seems to be my average.  Three hours is okay, and four hours would be good.  Five hours of sleep would be even better, and six or seven would be very nice.... but 22 hours sounds very sweet.  It is so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so tempting to take a full dose of clonazepam to knock myself out.

At the Reptile Gardens in Rapid City, SD, 2008.

Anne is petting a tortoise that is 127 years old.  The other tortoise was 109 years old.  They were truly amazing creatures to behold.  I wonder what they have seen and experienced over the course of their lives.  I can only imagine.  I loved the week-long road trip we took that year in spite of the extremely thick tension between Ed and I.  It was a very difficult time for us to be together, but at the same time it was great spending that time with the kids seeing places we'd never seen before.