A Few Relationship Tips, From a Single Mother (January 2011)

From January 31, 2011

In spite of how dour things may have been during these past few months, I still consider myself incredibly lucky.

I had planned to move to the Seattle area to go to school, but my parents talked me in to coming to Whidbey Island so I could attend Skagit Valley College for the same nursing program instead.  They were instrumental in finding me a house and setting me up with people at church.  Things would have been much more difficult for me to handle this in the Seattle area all the way from Bozeman without that kind of help.

Additionally, I had the support of old high school friend, Rob, who has helped me more than any other single person since I moved to this island.  Without complaint, he has offered moral support, physical support (gotta have a man around the house!), and financial support when needed.  And his only complaint is my resistance to allowing him to help more.

Things could have gone bad very quickly for me, but Rob has been by my side through everything.  He is a very special person and I am forever grateful.

On the other hand, I am only all too aware of how trying I can be to live with -- or even to simply be involved with... 

I know that I demand a lot:
     Loyalty
     Honesty
     Commitment
     Patience
     Genuine care and concern
     Respect, not just me but for my children as well
     Compassion, particularly when I am frightened
     Sympathy when I have bad days
     A sense of humor is a must!
     Willingness to tackle whatever comes my way
     And more Patience
    
Putting up with me requires monumental patience.  If patience is not your thing, walk the other way and do it soon.  I guarantee that I will try your patience and test your limits... not because I want to, but because when my life is in this much turmoil, that is the best thing that you can do for me. 

So here is some advice:

• When I throw fiery darts your way, let them bounce off of you because they are not meant to penetrate your armor. 
• When you think I want to be left alone, don't let me go.
• If I walk away from you, walk after me because I need someone rational to keep me from being irrational.
• When you think I am quiet, talk to me and find out why, because I generally will not advertise my pain or my problems.
• Dispense hugs freely.  I need the connection of being held.  I can never have too many hugs.
• Don't wait for me to ask you to do something.  If you see something that needs to be done, jump in and lend a hand.
• Communicate with me.  If something I do perplexes you, tell me and I will do my best to sort it out.
• Never assume that I know what is going on in your head.  I am not a mind-reader, and need to know how you feel about things.
• Be upfront and honest with me.  I don't beat around the bush and don't expect you to, either.
• Tell me that you love me.  I have gone most of my life without hearing this.  I can never hear it enough.

I am lucky that Rob already fits right in with most of what I have just listed -- it is just the way he is -- and I couldn't ask for anything more than what he already does for my soul and my physical well-being.  I like to think of him as my soul-mate, because his personality fits so well with mine, and I waited so long to finally find him.

Sometimes I think of myself in mideival times-- stranded alone in a thick forest, no where to turn and no one to turn to.  Suddenly, someone comes swooping out of nowhere on his horse, scoops me up and carries me away to a safe haven.  Rob is my knight in shining armor, who has literally swept me off my feet. 

I am forever indebted to Sir Robert, the gallant and brave.