From November 8, 2010
Frustration has a funny way of making things
worse than they are. In other words, maybe if I wasn't so worried about
everything, I wouldn't fear my health so much when something weird
happens. But my health has caused so many problems over this past year
that whenever anything happens, I go into immediate anxiety/panic
mode. My body tells me I have to enter this level of
consciousness because my kids are so dependent on me, right now
.
When my heart acts up (such as today), I cannot tell you what it is-- only what it feels like: It feels like things get clogged up in the plumbing of my heart, --it gets tripped up, and then as it clears, it goes away and my heart resumes its regular pattern of beating. Today when it happened, it was rather painful. I never know when it is going to happen, and no one has ever understood why... it just does. But it scares me each and every single time.
Today my financial situation became even more dire than ever. Soon I will have nothing left with which to pay the bills: not my phone, not the power, or internet, or water and garbage, or the car insurance.
To make matters worse, I am not looking forward to telling the girls they can't dance anymore because I don't have the money. I wanted so badly that they can't keep even a shred of normalcy before their worlds were turned upside down by divorce.
.
When my heart acts up (such as today), I cannot tell you what it is-- only what it feels like: It feels like things get clogged up in the plumbing of my heart, --it gets tripped up, and then as it clears, it goes away and my heart resumes its regular pattern of beating. Today when it happened, it was rather painful. I never know when it is going to happen, and no one has ever understood why... it just does. But it scares me each and every single time.
Today my financial situation became even more dire than ever. Soon I will have nothing left with which to pay the bills: not my phone, not the power, or internet, or water and garbage, or the car insurance.
To make matters worse, I am not looking forward to telling the girls they can't dance anymore because I don't have the money. I wanted so badly that they can't keep even a shred of normalcy before their worlds were turned upside down by divorce.
 |
| A Fragment of Kate |
Fragments of Kate:
It's the beginning
of a new week. Time to see how Kate is measuring up to herself:
- Kate doesn't feel good.
- Kate feels physically weak.
- Kate feels tired.
- Kate feels emotionally drained.
- Kate feels grateful.
- Kate feels numb.
- Kate feels sad.
- Kate feels depressed.
- Kate feels hopeless.
- Kate feels like a failure.
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