Trouble (December 2010)

 From December 5, 2010

Why does Trouble follow me around?  Aren't there others that have room for Trouble?   

All I want is for my kids to be happy and for me to be happy.   

I am so tired of not having any work and consequently not being able to provide for my family.  It wears at my self-esteem which isn't that great to begin with.  This Christmas is going to really push that point home for me and its not something of which I want to be constantly reminded. 

Hiking with my girls.  Is Trouble following?

And yet, every time I drive down the street I see Christmas decorations, I see Christmas lights on the houses, and then I go into my home where there are no decorations (my ex promised to ship our holiday decorations = more broken promises due to my own stupidity because I believed him), no lights in the windows... everything is gone -- just like everything my kids had: no music lessons, no dance lessons -- these things were such a large part of their lives and I have stripped them of all of this. 

Now I know why Trouble follows me around:  it is simply a part of me-- it is my middle name.  And that is not an easy pill to swallow.