From January 24, 2011
Kate does not feel good -- her occasional nausea
has been brought about by an apparent ongoing kidney infection -- she
needs medication to treat the infection but has severe doubts and fears when it
comes to taking any drugs. She has had so many nightmare problems with
various antibiotics and other drugs over the past year that she becomes
paranoid any time a new drug is thrown her way.
Kate is constantly riding an emotional roller-coaster because she
tries to force herself to feel happy, and looks like she is happy
(pseudo-happiness) and yet knows the reality that lies behind every action
of every single minute, every single day.... and that is the fact that she feels
she is destroying those precious children that she brought into the world, and
so carefully and painstakingly nurtured every day of their lives.
There is nothing more contrary and emotionally conflicting
than knowing that she is the cause of so much unhappiness, and it is not likely
to get any better any time within the next few years -- years that will be the
crucial, final childhood years for all of her kids. What a sad way to end
their childhood.
And she feels she has done this to them. She feels she does not
deserve to be a mom.
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