From November 28, 2010
Let's face it. I am happiest when I am with the people I love. But is that how it should be?
I am sure there are those who will wonder whether I am stretching it a bit: can't you be happy with anything? Are you trying to find a reason to be unhappy?
Before you think I am searching for a reason to sabotage my personal happiness, give me a minute to explain. I sometimes worry that I am too dependent on others for my happiness. I should be able to generate my own happiness.... right?
Or am I so messed up that I don't know anything about happiness at all. Could it be possible that it has been so long since I have been truly happy that I have forgotten how to be happy on my own accord?
Maybe it is because I have so many worries that I need major distractions in my life just to function at the lowest level of happiness. My December bills are due, Shelby's birthday is coming up and of course, Christmas.
What am I supposed to do??
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| 2002: Pseudo happiness. It isn't real. |
This leads me to the thought that I need to distance myself from the people that make me happy in order to learn how to generate some kind of happiness for myself.
But will that give me any answers or resolution? What if generating my own happiness doesn't even really exist? Then I am screwed on all accounts because I wasted precious time-- happiness lost that I cannot retrieve.
I am sad because I feel like this is a road I am going to have to take alone...
Prime example of pseudo happiness: A happiness that doesn't really exist: a happiness for the public face only. Shine like a star so others won't see your fear and your pain.
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