Lost (November 2010)

From November 9, 2010

I have never felt so lost as I have today: feeling a failure on multiple angles and multiple levels.  I just can't seem to get my act together.
 

Am thinking I need to pull the girls out of dance, but devastated at what this will do to the girls who are pointe dancers.  I know how many hours are required just to maintain their technique, let alone learn it for the first time.  This is a big failure on my part.  If their dad can't help pay for it I will have to withdraw the girls.
 

I am not working, and that is another failure on my part.  It is really hard to get a job that will pay to support six people when you have almost no recent experience in anything specific.  Now I only have about six weeks left to work full time before school starts in January.  

 
 

My life is painful.  I just can't believe things are getting so bad so quickly.  I really, really, really want out of this situation and am really, really, really hating myself for bringing us here.  Had I stayed in Bozeman I may not have been able to get into the nursing program yet, but at least there were jobs available and I could have worked while waiting to get into the nursing program....
...and my girls would still be dancing. 

 

 This little girl is about to have a birthday on Thanksgiving Day.