From October 6,
2010
Tomorrow
we finalize all the packing and begin loading the moving truck and
trailer. By tomorrow night the truck needs to be ready to go, with the
exception of mattresses and bedding. Am I ready? No. But we
will see how much gets done today. I have to go very slow and take lots
of breaks so it is taking a bit more time than I had hoped or expected.
There is an enormous amount of work that still needs to be done today but I am
going to have to pace myself.
"Just keep
swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."
(Dory the fish, in Finding Nemo)
Healthwise, I reduced my anti-anxiety medication last night but again, am not sure if the timing is right. I will keep it at this smaller dose for several days to a week, depending on how I am doing once we move. My left jugular is still slightly distended as is my left carotid artery. The last time I had similar symptoms I was weaning myself off of clonazepam-- which is why I made the decision to reduce my dosage again. They may be completely unrelated, and this time my dosage is half what it was last time, but still, it can't hurt to get off of it completely.
My anxiety / depression is up just because this is already a very difficult thing to do and a lot of emotions are riding very close to the edge -- sometimes they spill over and there isn't anything I can do about it but ride it out like some kind of morbid roller coaster ride. My kids are so brave and strong and I crumble at the slightest dip in the road.
"I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face." (Johnny Depp)
So in spite of the apparent futility in finishing packing tonight without overdoing it physically for me, I'll just keep swimming, taking lots of breaks. Where we end up after tomorrow, is where we end up.
Healthwise, I reduced my anti-anxiety medication last night but again, am not sure if the timing is right. I will keep it at this smaller dose for several days to a week, depending on how I am doing once we move. My left jugular is still slightly distended as is my left carotid artery. The last time I had similar symptoms I was weaning myself off of clonazepam-- which is why I made the decision to reduce my dosage again. They may be completely unrelated, and this time my dosage is half what it was last time, but still, it can't hurt to get off of it completely.
My anxiety / depression is up just because this is already a very difficult thing to do and a lot of emotions are riding very close to the edge -- sometimes they spill over and there isn't anything I can do about it but ride it out like some kind of morbid roller coaster ride. My kids are so brave and strong and I crumble at the slightest dip in the road.
"I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face." (Johnny Depp)
So in spite of the apparent futility in finishing packing tonight without overdoing it physically for me, I'll just keep swimming, taking lots of breaks. Where we end up after tomorrow, is where we end up.
I think right now my brain is a mix
of Dory the fish and Johnny Depp: I think that means insane, but would have to look up the legal definition
of insanity to clarify for certain. :)
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