Moving Day & the Edge of Panic (October 2010)

From October 7, 2010

Today is the day... the U-Haul is parked outside and ready to be loaded.  I am not ready for it to be loaded, but it is here, nonetheless.  The first barrage of people to help should be here at about 1 pm, followed within a few hours by others as they can, followed by those who can help finish the bulk of the loading this evening after work hours.

Today is going to be a rough day.  There is so much that needs to be done and the anxiety is working hard in my gut to keep me on edge. 
  

I need to fly the red flag today:

We will see how this works today....

LATER:

Ok,  I've been taking a look around the house and I am ready to hit the panic button.  The family room is only about half packed, the kitchen isn't even started and there are three closets and a bathroom to pack.  I still seriously doubt we have the room but somehow these things need to be packed anyway.

Been trying to eat and keep myself nourished but I have zero appetite and every breath is on the verge of panic.  I am really hoping to avoid taking the anti-anxiety drug, clonazepam, because I fear adverse effects which could in turn set things back even futher.  On the other hand, it might help reduce the sense of panic I am feeling, even at such an extremely low dose.

While writing this post my minivan was parked on the side of the road and somebody got too close to it and hit the driver's side mirror, completely knocking it to the ground and shattering it.  I am supposed to leave tomorrow.  This could be very bad.  It has to be fixed before I can go anywhere and I am supposed to leave tomorrow morning.

One step closer to the edge....