Autism (3) (April 2008)

From April 2, 2008:

(Continued from previous post)

As a toddler, my fourth child always seemed miserable, particularly in the mornings. She would only go to sleep on her daddy’s shoulder, and every morning when she woke in her bed, she arose with cries of anger, though no one really understood why. We thought maybe she was upset that she had been put into her bed after falling asleep, but I don’t believe that anymore. I am convinced she must have been dealing with many frustrations and was simply unable to tell us why.

Many times her cheerful exuberance disguised her frustrations. She could be a very happy and giving child. She seemed to have no sense of greed or ownership like many children who receive toys or candy, for example. Whenever she received something it was her first instinct to promptly give it all away! We called her “the girl with the golden heart.”

Nonetheless, I feared sending her to school. I was afraid that she would just walk right off the playground once she’d had enough. I asked the teachers to keep an eye on her during recess. She had no fear, and when approached by others, she wouldn’t speak (and would have no eye contact with them). I worried that if she became lost, no one would know her name or anything about her. She often did things at random and with no explanation. It was as if no one could access what was going on in that mind of hers. It was off limits to everyone but her!

Again, I expressed these concerns to my husband who really didn’t think it was anything to worry about because in spite of all the oddities, she was still a very active little girl who loved her daddy and loved to rough-house (to the extreme!). When I look back at it, I think he didn’t want to face the fact that there might be something “wrong” with her because of the associated stigma. Rather than deal with it, he could ignore it and pretend the signs weren’t there.  Autism was not well known at the time -- the only cases of autism I knew about were little children who sat and rocked all day long, staring at nothing.

Once in school, even the teachers noticed “something wrong” with my daughter. She was a weird child who did weird things on the play ground, such as: run on her tippy toes everywhere, and hold her hands with her wrists bent in front of her like a begging puppy dog. It hadn’t occurred to us that this was odd behavior because she had always been a toe-walker, and she’d always had an active imagination. But she was also having immense difficulty in writing and shaping letters and numbers.

The teachers finally called us in for a meeting with a group of occupational therapists who had determined that she had motor and sensory issues. I could understand this because she was hypersensitive to everything around her. Noise was particularly bothersome for her, and touch—especially to the scalp. They told us her muscles were extremely high-toned and tight. She also had the ability to tune things out and become hyper-focused, which could be good or bad. She was a spinner—spinning puzzle pieces around and around. All this, and only in Kindergarten.

To be Continued...