Happiness (September 2010)

From September 4, 2010

Life can be hard, life can be cruel.  But somewhere in that framework we have to find a space for some kind of happiness.

For so many years I felt my happiness was not nearly as important as it was for others, specifically my children.  When they are happy, I feel an immeasurable sense of success-- success not for myself but for themselves because our goal in life should be happiness and in finding a way to make others happy.  That is from where my true happiness comes.  It offers a sense of fulfillment.

But in finding happiness for others for so many years, I have forgotten that I am entitled to some happiness of my own.  And yet I have felt that if I seek happiness on my own I am somehow stealing it from those I love most -- if I were to find my own happiness it may come at the expense of those whom I would never hurt.

I think those whose happiness I have been fiercely protecting for so many years have come to realize that happiness is necessary for qualilty of life.  We can only short-change ourselves for so long before it becomes too obvious to our bodies that we cannot live without some measure of happiness.  

I am reminded of a show on TV many years ago about the huge number of orphaned Chinese infant girls.  Because their newborn cries went unanswered, they learned not to cry and could not find peace or happiness because their existence was merely an existence -- with no sense of either longing or fulfillment.  These babies were never held or shown affection.  Many of these babies failed to thrive and many died because human affection is required by our bodies to exist.  We need to find emotional connections with others in order to find the happiness that increases our chance of survival.

I have always seen to the happiness of others and this does bring me a sense of happiness  of my own.  It also brings me a sense of sadness because I have so little happiness that I can find that I can claim as my own.  I know that sacrifices need to be made to find that happiness which is a double-edged sword.... will finding my happiness take from the happiness of others?

I believe now that my kids have seen enough and are willing to make their own sacrifices in order for me to find some peace in my life.  For this I love them so much more if that is even possible at all.  They are truly my lifeline.

Me with a couple of my kids at Rocky Point, Whidbey Island

I've said it before and can never say it enough:  I have the best children on the planet.  I also have some of the best and most supportive extended family members and friends that actually care about ME... imagine that!  I've been so worried about everybody else, it never occurred to me that people might actually care about me as well.  Another life lesson: accepting help from others, including emotional support.

Happiness can be found, and sometimes we need to weigh the pros and cons in obtaining that happiness.  And sometimes it just all works out just fine.