Punching Bag (July 2010)

From July 24, 2010
Pioneer Day

Well I don't know what was in the water today, but I became the verbal and emotional punching bag for Ed again.  I wish I could understand where it is coming from but I can never seem to get any answers out of him.  I didn't even see him today until we were at the Pioneer Day picnic.  He stayed to himself for the most part.  I came up with the camera to take some pictures and he said angrily  "I'm leaving."  I was surprised because he wasn't even there but 15 or 20 minutes!  He walked off and drove away.

The girls and I stayed at the picnic and afterwards took a ride out to the Missouri Headwaters for some pictures and by the time we got home, Ed wasn't anywhere to be found.  The girls wanted pizza and asked if they could call their dad to bring home some pizza crusts so I said Sure!  The report I got back wasn't a very good one.  He was mean and evasive even to the kids.  




Being the emotional and verbal punching bag would be easier to tolerate if I knew the reason for it.  All I could get out of him was that he was mad at everything and the whole world.   This usually seems to be the case, and it saddens me because I can't imagine going through life with clenched fists and ready to fight.  There is so much in this world to enjoy!!

I no longer worry myself about what is bothering Ed because I have learned there is only one person that can change his outlook on life and that is himself.  This rule applies to all of us.  If we don't like what we see we take some kind of action even if it is a tiny step.  I can no longer afford the worry and stress and the havoc it plays on my mental status and health.  I wish that weren't the case, but it is.

I will continue to enjoy all the bright spots in every day.  My bright spots give me reasons to be happy.  Dwelling on the negative has never been part of my nature and for that I am so grateful!!  I must be one of those people who see the glass as half full rather than half empty.

Pioneer Day 2003

Sometimes I just want to 'disappear' -- but always with my kids.  I'll never leave my kids-- ever.  They are the most important thing in my life.  I love them more than life itself and I want what is best for them.  No matter how old I get, that is one thing that will never change!!



Sometimes I wish I could just move in with the Amish somewhere and lead a much simpler life-- one free of trouble people and stalkers and crime... grow my own food, teach my children what a good life can be like-- one of respect for the world around you and for the people around you.