From
October 2, 2010
In spite of the difficulties and set-backs this
week, time keeps marching on and we are down to 5 days until the U-Haul arrives
to be loaded in the morning. My hopes and prayers are that today will be
a very productive day and a healthy one.
I did get a lot done today, and hope to have a repeat tomorrow-- lots of boxes getting packed. But I am seriously doubting we will have the room in the truck for everything. Ed absolutely refuses to help with a second smaller truck. He is telling me if we want it we will just have to come back and get it at our own expense. Which isn't going to happen for quite some time -- possibly no sooner than Ed moves to WA himself (which he will never do).... kind of like he is keeping them hostage... just another way to punish me for wanting out of this marriage. And yet he threatened me so many times I find it hard to believe that he is blaming me for breaking up this marriage when he has been saying it was over years ago himself.
I guess I am the target of all his anger, still, and maybe someday he will finally be at peace with it and with himself. I don't know. It will be hard to leave because this has been my home for so long. It will also be hard because we have a 27-year-history together. So no matter how hard it was during that time, there is still a history there that can never be erased.
I still have hope for a brighter and calmer future, whatever comes my way. My biggest worry is still my financial responsibility to make ends meet, but hopefully that will settle in time also.
I did get a lot done today, and hope to have a repeat tomorrow-- lots of boxes getting packed. But I am seriously doubting we will have the room in the truck for everything. Ed absolutely refuses to help with a second smaller truck. He is telling me if we want it we will just have to come back and get it at our own expense. Which isn't going to happen for quite some time -- possibly no sooner than Ed moves to WA himself (which he will never do).... kind of like he is keeping them hostage... just another way to punish me for wanting out of this marriage. And yet he threatened me so many times I find it hard to believe that he is blaming me for breaking up this marriage when he has been saying it was over years ago himself.
I guess I am the target of all his anger, still, and maybe someday he will finally be at peace with it and with himself. I don't know. It will be hard to leave because this has been my home for so long. It will also be hard because we have a 27-year-history together. So no matter how hard it was during that time, there is still a history there that can never be erased.
I still have hope for a brighter and calmer future, whatever comes my way. My biggest worry is still my financial responsibility to make ends meet, but hopefully that will settle in time also.
My 2 cars: Random and 8 Notes, their last winter together
No comments:
Post a Comment